You are 100% correct about the burden of responsibility being on victims. I have found writing so incredibly helpful...almost transformative. It's a shame I know so intimately that justice doesn't exist but it makes me want to speak about it so maybe things change for the next generation.
Yes! I have three daughters (twins age 10 and a 9 year old), and they are aware of consent. This is a topic addressed and taken seriously in schools, at least here in Boston. There is always hope, but I wish change happened faster.
Loved your piece and it definitely strikes a chord. I've said before that sexual assault is so goddam mundane. It's everywhere. Of all of the sexual predators I know, none are locked up. Two killed themselves. The rest walk around freely. Sex offenders are everywhere. In small towns. In villages. It makes me sick.
Thank you so much for reading! Yes - we cannot rely on the judicial system to mete out justice. It is truly an epidemic. The responsibility is a burden to the victims to prove themselves and heal themselves. Writing is the best way I’ve found. I could never go through the courts. There is an update on NYMag that the nanny abused by Palmer and Gaiman filed a lawsuit, and I admire her courage in doing so.
I met Amanda a couple of times in Toronto at different gigs/events in 2014 and I remember, as a musician myself, feeling this kind of excitement that she was actually listening to me talk and seemed supportive of my music career. It's kind of spooky because I know if she'd turned around to me and offered to take me for coffee or something, I would have 100% accepted.
As a songwriter there's so much I could write about this topic. I have been very lucky to not have experienced sexual assault but being a solo female musician, you do end up in close quarters with men a lot. In their homes or studios or cars. And nobody seems to realise that it's a potentially dangerous thing. I always shudder to think about the stories I've heard from some friends who ended up in those rooms with the wrong guys.
Thank you for sharing this. Many predators hide in plain sight; others present themselves as standing for a cause, and that can mask the things they do behind closed doors. I really appreciate NYMag's willingness to cover the story, and they did a follow up about the lawsuit filed by the victim. I am really impressed that the victim is pursuing that; it's a very brave move.( https://www.vulture.com/article/amanda-palmer-denies-human-trafficking-allegations.html). I didn't even frame my experience as sexual assault until almost two decades later when I saw the film Promising Young Woman. Are you still making music? It is hard to stay in that for long, so if you have pursued that for 11 years, that's amazing!
I really like your writing. And really feel the feelings of this piece. Fuck sex predators, you are right, they are everywhere. And unfortunately it seems like it’s mostly on people who’ve been victimised to figure this out. This is why I trust no one. This is why I’m not friendly to most men. It sucks to feel powerless to stop it but hey, by writing about it you are doing something.
Thank you so much! I really appreciate your compliment. I would be terrified of dating these days; I have been married for almost 20 years to a man I would say is a feminist. But I grew up with a complicated father, a Citadel alum who put a Save the Males bumper sticker on his car when a woman sought admission to his alma mater. It took me a long time to trust after a disturbing family incident with my “in-laws”; we have not spoken to them since 2009 and that was the best choice. And yes - writing makes me feel whole again. Thank you again for reading; it means a lot to me.
So saddened and sickened by what's happened regarding Amanda Palmer. (Also, commenting here to let you know, I read this because it came up 'recommended' on my Substack front page feed thing. I'm very new here so not sure how Substack works yet!)
I really appreciate this piece and sadly, can relate. I was a teenager in the 80's and had no idea that I should have punched more predators in the nose. Sexual assault was accepted back then so I never thought to speak up. So many female friends of mine had the same experience. How warped.
Thank you so much for reading. As I wrote in ‘’My Big Break” (the essay linked in the post), I never framed what happened to me as rape until I saw Promising Young Woman. I also remember family members watching news stories about women being harassed and the saying “Those girls just want attention.”
Hi: I try to respond to every comment I received. but I'm having a little trouble understanding, even after reading the link you posted. But thank you for reading, and I would love to know more. Best, Jenn
You are 100% correct about the burden of responsibility being on victims. I have found writing so incredibly helpful...almost transformative. It's a shame I know so intimately that justice doesn't exist but it makes me want to speak about it so maybe things change for the next generation.
Yes! I have three daughters (twins age 10 and a 9 year old), and they are aware of consent. This is a topic addressed and taken seriously in schools, at least here in Boston. There is always hope, but I wish change happened faster.
Loved your piece and it definitely strikes a chord. I've said before that sexual assault is so goddam mundane. It's everywhere. Of all of the sexual predators I know, none are locked up. Two killed themselves. The rest walk around freely. Sex offenders are everywhere. In small towns. In villages. It makes me sick.
Thank you so much for reading! Yes - we cannot rely on the judicial system to mete out justice. It is truly an epidemic. The responsibility is a burden to the victims to prove themselves and heal themselves. Writing is the best way I’ve found. I could never go through the courts. There is an update on NYMag that the nanny abused by Palmer and Gaiman filed a lawsuit, and I admire her courage in doing so.
I met Amanda a couple of times in Toronto at different gigs/events in 2014 and I remember, as a musician myself, feeling this kind of excitement that she was actually listening to me talk and seemed supportive of my music career. It's kind of spooky because I know if she'd turned around to me and offered to take me for coffee or something, I would have 100% accepted.
As a songwriter there's so much I could write about this topic. I have been very lucky to not have experienced sexual assault but being a solo female musician, you do end up in close quarters with men a lot. In their homes or studios or cars. And nobody seems to realise that it's a potentially dangerous thing. I always shudder to think about the stories I've heard from some friends who ended up in those rooms with the wrong guys.
Thank you for sharing this. Many predators hide in plain sight; others present themselves as standing for a cause, and that can mask the things they do behind closed doors. I really appreciate NYMag's willingness to cover the story, and they did a follow up about the lawsuit filed by the victim. I am really impressed that the victim is pursuing that; it's a very brave move.( https://www.vulture.com/article/amanda-palmer-denies-human-trafficking-allegations.html). I didn't even frame my experience as sexual assault until almost two decades later when I saw the film Promising Young Woman. Are you still making music? It is hard to stay in that for long, so if you have pursued that for 11 years, that's amazing!
I really like your writing. And really feel the feelings of this piece. Fuck sex predators, you are right, they are everywhere. And unfortunately it seems like it’s mostly on people who’ve been victimised to figure this out. This is why I trust no one. This is why I’m not friendly to most men. It sucks to feel powerless to stop it but hey, by writing about it you are doing something.
Thank you so much! I really appreciate your compliment. I would be terrified of dating these days; I have been married for almost 20 years to a man I would say is a feminist. But I grew up with a complicated father, a Citadel alum who put a Save the Males bumper sticker on his car when a woman sought admission to his alma mater. It took me a long time to trust after a disturbing family incident with my “in-laws”; we have not spoken to them since 2009 and that was the best choice. And yes - writing makes me feel whole again. Thank you again for reading; it means a lot to me.
So saddened and sickened by what's happened regarding Amanda Palmer. (Also, commenting here to let you know, I read this because it came up 'recommended' on my Substack front page feed thing. I'm very new here so not sure how Substack works yet!)
Oh wow - crazy! I don't pay them anything, so it's nice to know they are promoting that. Thanks for commenting.
Also, yes, these victims of her and NG deserve so much more. Thank you for reading. I appreciate it.
I really appreciate this piece and sadly, can relate. I was a teenager in the 80's and had no idea that I should have punched more predators in the nose. Sexual assault was accepted back then so I never thought to speak up. So many female friends of mine had the same experience. How warped.
Thank you so much for reading. As I wrote in ‘’My Big Break” (the essay linked in the post), I never framed what happened to me as rape until I saw Promising Young Woman. I also remember family members watching news stories about women being harassed and the saying “Those girls just want attention.”
Thank you 🤍
Wow - you’re welcome! Thank you for reading :)
Hi: I try to respond to every comment I received. but I'm having a little trouble understanding, even after reading the link you posted. But thank you for reading, and I would love to know more. Best, Jenn